Getting On My Feet

"Go Forward. Be Bold."

"Reclaim me."

"Amen."

They were the final words of my personal year-end review last year. As of today, while the pain of what happened in 2023 is still there (and probably will haunt me for the rest of my life), 2024 has done much to reduce it. God has lead me to restful waters and is refreshing my body as well as my soul. The past twelve months have been a time of adjustment and revival, probing and questioning, dreaming and hoping.

It is time for me to put a bow on 2024. This year's review won't be as lengthy or detailed as last year. But it will highlight some of the things I have done to make the first three sentences more of a reality.

Solid Footing

The stability of shelter and employment put an end to the stress which cause me to lose, when it was all said and done, 50 pounds of weight (I am now between 175 and 180 pounds). The three inches off my waistline is also still a feature of a more svelte figure.  The challenge is now to maintain this weight, moderate my appetite, and adopt a more healthy diet. One of the benefits my employer has are registered dieticians available for consultation. It is time to set an appointment with the person assigned to my store.

While I am figuratively working to get back on my feet, I am also literally as well. Foot callouses, causing me a great deal of pain, finally forced me to see a podiatrist in June. Not only do I have that problem, I also have a bunion. A prescription strength topical cream, new shoes with a cloth-based upper, and a set of orthotics have been part of my daily routine. Progress has been made in alleviating this issue.

What's In My Wallet

I have often made the comment regarding my financial acumen that I have done so much with so little for so long I can do anything with nothing forever. Obviously, the greatest blessing I have received is a steady, consistent stream of income from my current occupation. Along with now being a substitute crossing guard and the summer work at the amusement park (where I completed my tenth year there), 2024 will be year where I have earned the most money ever in my life. (In regards to that statement, I have no one to blame but myself for being in that state. While the poor we will have always, I have no excuses for being broke.)

I have a different set of priorities now in terms of stewardship. I can easily meet my expenses, including now being able to consistently support my parish in a small manner. I can now focus on settling debts, repaying people for the acts of financial kindness they have shown me throughout my life. I know who they are and what amount I owe. It is my take on what St. Paul wrote to the Romans (cf. 13:7-8).

Psyche Repair

Am I a bruised reed or a smoldering wick?

Yes.

As I wrote last year:

But it is my inner being which has been shaken to its very core. My psyche feels battered, bruised, bloodied, broken. All types of doubts and fears seem to be haunting me even more than usual, even as I start to dream again. The trauma of the past twelve months has made me ask if I need mental health therapy. While prayer will be the cornerstone, I wonder if counseling wouldn't be a worthwhile idea.

Yes.

A business card I found in the vestibule of the church in March has led me to someone who I am now seeing. We meet on average of about once a month, with the strong encouragement to journal between sessions. We are delving into issues of self-esteem and confidence I have needed to explore for a long time; what happened to me in 2023 only opened those wounds again. A solid foundation has been and is being established; I am gently but firmly being challenged to confront those fears I have. What is also helpful is we can also use the commonality of our Catholic faith, to bring God even more into this process.

To be continued--the counseling and the healing.

An Update

How is Catherine Garcia doing?

Glad you asked.

Unfortunately, her progress has taken a somewhat serious downward turn. While her tumor is still in remission, she began to have issues with her balance and strength, resulting in falling more. She was struggling to care for herself and maintain some semblance of independence. She was moved into a long-term care facility in May, where she currently resides. I visit her once a week and note there has been some improvement, but not nearly enough to allow her back home. She is still determined, however, to overcome this setback as well.

And, yes, I still pray for her complete recovery.

A Work In Progress

Growth only happens with change; yet, change does not represent growth. There are things in my life which have noticeably improved for the better and others for which the needle has barely moved. Metanoia is a process, whether it be spiritual or in other aspects of life.

The best barometer I have of how well I am doing is my posture, something I have struggled with all my life. I have somewhat rounded shoulders and have my weight balanced more over the balls of my feet rather than my heels. This is my baseline. If I am physically or psychologically stressed, the slouch is more pronounced, as if I am trying to hide. If I am conscious of this state of presenting myself, whether neutral or negative, I work at fighting back by standing taller; it is also the same if I have a sense of wholeness. That needs to become natural and normal. 

I have taken a few small steps; I have "miles to go". Hopefully I get there "before I sleep". 

God is not finished with me, yet.

And neither am I.

More of the same for next year; only, and always, getting better.

DR Squared: Feast Of The Holy Family Of Jesus, Mary, And Joseph (Year C)

First Reading:  Sirach 3:2-6, 12-14 or 1 Samuel 1:20-22, 24-28

Children, hear the judgment of your father, and so do that you may be saved. For God hath made the father honourable to the children: and seeking the judgment of the mothers, hath confirmed it upon the children. He that loveth God, shall obtain pardon for his sins by prayer, and shall refrain himself from them, and shall be heard in the prayer of days. And he that honoureth his mother is as one that layeth up a treasure. He that honoureth his father shall have joy in his own children, and in the day of his prayer he shall be heard. Glory not in the dishonour of thy father: for his shame is no glory to thee. For the glory of a man is from the honour of his father, and a father without honour is the disgrace of the son. Son, support the old age of thy father, and grieve him not in his life;

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And it came to pass when the time was come about, Anna conceived and bore a son, and called his name Samuel: because she had asked him of the Lord.  And Elcana her husband went up, and all his house, to offer to the Lord the solemn sacrifice, and his vow. But Anna went not up: for she said to her husband: I will not go till the child be weaned, and till I may carry him, that he may appear before the Lord, and may abide always there.And after she had weaned him, she carried him with her, with three calves, and three bushels of flour, and a bottle of wine, and she brought him to the house of the Lord in Silo. Now the child was as yet very young:   And they immolated a calf, and offered the child to Heli. And Anna said: I beseech thee, my lord, as thy soul liveth, my lord: I am that woman who stood before thee here praying to the Lord. For this child did I pray, and the Lord hath granted me my petition, which I asked of him. Therefore I also have lent him to the Lord all the days of his life, he shall be lent to the Lord. 

Responsorial Psalm:  Psalm 128 (127):1; V. 1-2, 3, 4-5 or Psalm 84 (83):5a: V. 2-3, 5-6, 9-10.

R. Blessed are all they that fear the Lord: that walk in his ways.

V. Blessed are all they that fear the Lord: that walk in his ways.

    For thou shalt eat the labours of thy hands: blessed art thou, and it shall be well with            thee.

V. Thy wife as a fruitful vine, on the sides of thy house.

    Thy children as olive plants, round about thy table.

V. Behold, thus shall the man be blessed that feareth the Lord.

    May the Lord bless thee out of Sion: and mayest thou see the good things of Jerusalem        all the days of thy life.

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R.  Blessed are they that dwell in thy house, O Lord:

V. How lovely are thy tabernacles, O Lord of hosts!

    My soul longeth and fainteth for the courts of the Lord.

    My heart and my flesh have rejoiced in the living God.

V. Blessed are they that dwell in thy house, O Lord: they shall praise thee for ever and ever.

    Blessed is the man whose help is from thee: in his heart he hath disposed to ascend by          steps,

V. O Lord God of hosts, hear my prayer: give ear, O God of Jacob.

    Behold, O God our protector: and look on the face of thy Christ.  

Second Reading:  Colossians 3:12-21 or 3:12-17 or 1 John 3:1-2, 21-24

Put ye on therefore, as the elect of God, holy, and beloved, the bowels of mercy, benignity, humility, modesty, patience:  Bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if any have a complaint against another: even as the Lord hath forgiven you, so do you also. But above all these things have charity, which is the bond of perfection:  And let the peace of Christ rejoice in your hearts, wherein also you are called in one body: and be ye thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you abundantly, in all wisdom: teaching and admonishing one another in psalms, hymns, and spiritual canticles, singing in grace in your hearts to God. All whatsoever you do in word or in work, do all in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, giving thanks to God and the Father by him. Wives, be subject to your husbands, as it behoveth in the Lord. Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter towards them. Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing to the Lord. Fathers, provoke not your children to indignation, lest they be discouraged.

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Behold what manner of charity the Father hath bestowed upon us, that we should be called, and should be the sons of God. Therefore the world knoweth not us, because it knew not him. Dearly beloved, we are now the sons of God; and it hath not yet appeared what we shall be. We know, that, when he shall appear, we shall be like to him: because we shall see him as he is. Dearly beloved, if our heart do not reprehend us, we have confidence towards God:  And whatsoever we shall ask, we shall receive of him: because we keep his commandments, and do those things which are pleasing in his sight. And this is his commandment, that we should believe in the name of his Son Jesus Christ: and love one another, as he hath given commandment unto us. And he that keepeth his commandments, abideth in him, and he in him. And in this we know that he abideth in us, by the Spirit which he hath given us. 

Gospel Reading:  Luke 2:41-52

And his parents went every year to Jerusalem, at the solemn day of the pasch, And when he was twelve years old, they going up into Jerusalem, according to the custom of the feast, And having fulfilled the days, when they returned, the child Jesus remained in Jerusalem; and his parents knew it not. And thinking that he was in the company, they came a day's journey, and sought him among their kinsfolks and acquaintance. And not finding him, they returned into Jerusalem, seeking him. And it came to pass, that, after three days, they found him in the temple, sitting in the midst of the doctors, hearing them, and asking them questions. And all that heard him were astonished at his wisdom and his answers. And seeing him, they wondered. And his mother said to him: Son, why hast thou done so to us? behold thy father and I have sought thee sorrowing. And he said to them: How is it that you sought me? did you not know, that I must be about my father's business? And they understood not the word that he spoke unto them. And he went down with them, and came to Nazareth, and was subject to them. And his mother kept all these words in her heart. And Jesus advanced in wisdom, and age, and grace with God and men.

The readings from the USCCB can be found here. 

DR Squared: Feast Of The Holy Innocents, Martyrs

First Reading:  1 John 1:5—2:2

And this is the declaration which we have heard from him, and declare unto you: That God is light, and in him there is no darkness. If we say that we have fellowship with him, and walk in darkness, we lie, and do not the truth. But if we walk in the light, as he also is in the light, we have fellowship one with another, and the blood of Jesus Christ his Son cleanseth us from all sin. If we say that we have no sin, we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us. If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just, to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all iniquity. If we say that we have not sinned, we make him a liar, and his word is not in us. My little children, these things I write to you, that you may not sin. But if any man sin, we have an advocate with the Father, Jesus Christ the just:  And he is the propitiation for our sins: and not for ours only, but also for those of the whole world. 

Responsorial Psalm:  Ps 124 (123):7ab; V. 2-3, 4-5, 7cd-8

R. Our soul hath been delivered as a sparrow out of the snare of the fowlers.

V. If it had not been that the Lord was with us, When men rose up against us,

    Perhaps they had swallowed us up alive. When their fury was enkindled against us,

V. Perhaps the waters had swallowed us up. Our soul hath passed through a torrent:

    perhaps our soul had passed through a water insupportable.

V. The snare is broken, and we are delivered.

    Our help is in the name of the Lord, who made heaven and earth.

Gospel Reading:  Matthew 2:13-18

And after they were departed, behold an angel of the Lord appeared in sleep to Joseph, saying: Arise, and take the child and his mother, and fly into Egypt: and be there until I shall tell thee. For it will come to pass that Herod will seek the child to destroy him. Who arose, and took the child and his mother by night, and retired into Egypt: and he was there until the death of Herod:  That it might be fulfilled which the Lord spoke by the prophet, saying: Out of Egypt have I called my son. Then Herod perceiving that he was deluded by the wise men, was exceeding angry; and sending killed all the men children that were in Bethlehem, and in all the borders thereof, from two years old and under, according to the time which he had diligently inquired of the wise men. Then was fulfilled that which was spoken by Jeremias the prophet, saying:  A voice in Rama was heard, lamentation and great mourning; Rachel bewailing her children, and would not be comforted, because they are not.

The readings from the USCCB can be found here.

2024 Christmas Card

May your celebration of the Incarnation be filled with joy and love. May the Infant Jesus bless you with an abundance of grace and peace. May the Christ Child bestow upon you the gifts of the Spirit.

Merry Christmas, Everybody!

2024 Christmas Eve Reflection

The Gospel Reading from the Nativity of the Lord--Mass During The Day:

In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God.

He was in the beginning with God.

All things came to be through him, and without him nothing came to be.

What came to be through him was life, and this life was the light of the human race; the light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it.

A man named John was sent from God.

He came for testimony, to testify to the light, so that all might believe through him.

He was not the light, but came to testify to the light.

The true light, which enlightens everyone, was coming into the world.

He was in the world, and the world came to be through him, but the world did not know him.

He came to what was his own, but his own people did not accept him.

But to those who did accept him he gave power to become children of God, to those who believe in his name, who were born not by natural generation nor by human choice nor by a man’s decision but of God.

    

And the Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us, and we saw his glory, the glory as of the Father’s only Son, full of grace and truth.

John testified to him and cried out, saying, “This was he of whom I said, 

‘The one who is coming after me ranks ahead of me because he existed before me.’”

From his fullness we have all received, grace in place of grace, because while the law was given through Moses, grace and truth came through Jesus Christ.

No one has ever seen God.

The only Son, God, who is at the Father’s side, has revealed him.

John 1:1-18

 Of all the verses in the Bible, these may be, in my very humble opinion, the most important. This is what is known as The Last Gospel, proclaimed after the dismissal in the Extraordinary Form of the Mass. This is the culmination of all the readings proclaimed in the four Masses celebrated this day.

We acknowledge this with our very being, body and soul. We genuflect on this day (and also on the Solemnity of the Annunciation; this is a departure from the Extraordinary Form where it is done at any Mass when it is recited) when in the Nicene Creed we recite the corollary verse I have placed in boldface type and highlighted in red:  (A)nd by the Holy Spirit was incarnate of the Virgin Mary, and became man. We also genuflect when we encounter these words in the Angelus.

The mystery of the Incarnation. God becoming human. The second Person of the Blessed Trinity taking on the form of a slave. The Creator visibly taking His place among His creation. This will be the focus of this year's reflection.

(As a side note, lest you think these are the only thoughts I gleaned, think again. I would wager a whole series of homilies and sermons have been preached on the Prologue of the fourth Gospel. There is so much to dissect and discern. Let's just say I have plenty of material for a few more Christmas Eve Reflections.)

"How could this be...?" Even if the Blessed Virgin Mary only asked this to the archangel Gabriel, she still spoke it in wonder. We humans may attempt to fathom the mind and will of God, but our efforts versus an infinite intelligence will only produce an infinitesimal answer at best. (Actually the best answer is to be still and know that He is God.) Compare this to when Zechariah asked a similar question regarding the conception of St. John the Baptist. He was made mute for nine months because of his doubt; the Theotokos will be called "blessed" forever.

"...(N)othing is impossible for God." Gabriel's reply shows how quickly we humans forget about God's omnipotence. We see it every day in creation since "the first day" when He created ex niliho. By an act of will, it came to be. We would do well to remember this when our wills "create" something. Unfortunately, because of Original Sin, we cannot say at times "it was good".

"Where sin increased, grace overflowed all the more." How well we would do to also remember this. We can only overcome our faults and frailties "with the help of His grace". We cooperate with this grace when doing good. That is when we, made in the image and likeness of God, reflect Him more perfectly and become more like Him. As St. Paul wrote in his first letter to the Corinthians, we now only see Him dimly, as in a mirror.

We needed and need a Savior. The more broken we are from battling the world, the flesh, and the devil, the more we must acknowledge this is all too much for us. We cry, "Uncle!" We tap out. We crave and beg for mercy, as do all who recognize their sinfulness. The Divine Physician is the only one who can heal the wounds inflicted on us and at times are self-inflicted. The Son of God no less summons us to the universal call to holiness, to be perfected, to be one with Him as He is with the Father. 

“For the Son of God became man so that we might become God,” said St. Athanasius. Before the Fall, we were partakers in the divine nature of God. In order that we may share that distinction again, the consequences of the disobedience of Adam and Eve had to be reversed, so we could become the adopted children of God. But in order to do that, God had to become one like us in all things but sin. He truly had to veil Himself in human flesh, so that we may eventually see His glory. Of all the ways God could have redeemed us, He chose this way. He chose to be "the Way, the Truth, and the Life."

God had to become "Emmanuel".

And that is what we celebrate today.

Hodie Christus natus est.

"And the Word became flesh and made his dwelling among us."

Hopeful Julbilaton

And so it begins.

Proclaimed on the Solemnity of the Ascension last May. the Universal Church celebrates a Jubilee Year in 2025. Held every 25 years since 1300 and on other occasions (eg--the Extraordinary Jubilee of 2015), this one will focus on hope:

The coming Jubilee will thus be a Holy Year marked by the hope that does not fade, our hope in God. May it help us to recover the confident trust that we require, in the Church and in society, in our interpersonal relationships, in international relations, and in our task of promoting the dignity of all persons and respect for God’s gift of creation. May the witness of believers be for our world a leaven of authentic hope, a harbinger of new heavens and a new earth (cf. 2 Pet 3:13), where men and women will dwell in justice and harmony, in joyful expectation of the fulfilment of the Lord’s promises.

Let us even now be drawn to this hope! Through our witness, may hope spread to all those who anxiously seek it. May the way we live our lives say to them in so many words: “Hope in the Lord! Hold firm, take heart and hope in the Lord!” (Ps 27:14). May the power of hope fill our days, as we await with confidence the coming of the Lord Jesus Christ, to whom be praise and glory, now and forever.

The doors are opening soon around the world.

Let us enter into His courts with thanksgiving.

 

DR Squared: Schedule Update

The readings for the four Masses of The Nativity Of Lord will all be published today, so as to not distract from the celebration of the birth of the Christ Child.

Starting in three hours, they will come at five minute intervals.

This will give you the opportunity to focus on them as part of your final spiritual preparation.

"Come to Bethlehem and see."

 

DR Squared: Tuesday Of The Fourth Week Of Advent--Mass In The Morning (Year I)

First Reading:  2 Samuel 7:1-5, 8b-12, 14a, 16

And it came to pass when the king sat in his house, and the Lord had given him rest on every side from all his enemies, He said to Nathan the prophet: Dost thou see that I dwell in a house of cedar, and the ark of God is lodged within skins? And Nathan said to the king: Go, do all that is in thy heart: because the Lord is with thee. But it came to pass that night, that the word of the Lord came to Nathan, saying:  Go, and say to my servant David: Thus saith the Lord: Shalt thou build me a house to dwell in? I took thee out of the pastures from following the sheep to be ruler over my people Israel:  And I have been with thee wheresoever thou hast walked, and have slain all thy enemies from before thy face: and I have made thee a great man, like unto the name of the great ones that are on the earth. And I will appoint a place for my people Israel, and I will plant them, and they shall dwell therein, and shall be disturbed no more: neither shall the children of iniquity afflict them any more as they did before, From the day that I appointed judges over my people Israel: and I will give thee rest from all thy enemies. And the Lord foretelleth to thee, that the Lord will make thee a house. And when thy days shall be fulfilled, and thou shalt sleep with thy fathers, I will raise up thy seed after thee, which shall proceed out of thy bowels, and I will establish his kingdom. I will be to him a father, and he shall be to me a son:  And thy house shall be faithful, and thy kingdom for ever before thy face, and thy throne shall be firm for ever. 

Responsorial Psalm:  89 (88):2; V. 2-3, 4-5, 27 and 29

R. The mercies of the Lord I will sing for ever.

V. The mercies of the Lord I will sing for ever. I will shew forth thy truth with my mouth         to generation and generation.

     For thou hast said: Mercy shall be built up for ever in the heavens: thy truth shall be             prepared in them.

V. I have made a covenant with my elect: I have sworn to David my servant:

    Thy seed will I settle for ever. And I will build up thy throne unto generation and                  generation.

V. He shall cry out to me: Thou art my father: my God, and the support of my salvation.

     I will keep my mercy for him for ever: and my covenant faithful to him.

Gospel Reading: Luke 1:67-79

And Zachary his father was filled with the Holy Ghost; and he prophesied, saying:  Blessed be the Lord God of Israel; because he hath visited and wrought the redemption of his people:  And hath raised up an horn of salvation to us, in the house of David his servant:  As he spoke by the mouth of his holy prophets, who are from the beginning:  Salvation from our enemies, and from the hand of all that hate us:  To perform mercy to our fathers, and to remember his holy testament, The oath, which he swore to Abraham our father, that he would grant to us, That being delivered from the hand of our enemies, we may serve him without fear, In holiness and justice before him, all our days. And thou, child, shalt be called the prophet of the Highest: for thou shalt go before the face of the Lord to prepare his ways:  To give knowledge of salvation to his people, unto the remission of their sins:  Through the bowels of the mercy of our God, in which the Orient from on high hath visited us: To enlighten them that sit in darkness, and in the shadow of death: to direct our feet into the way of peace. 

The readings from the USCCB can be found here.

A Final Advent Hymn

Originally written in Latin by Charles Coffin, it was translated into English by John Chandler. The setting is titled CHRISMATA, although John Wesley also set it to DONCASTER. A fitting hymn for the final hours of Advent.

1.  Lift up the Advent strain!

Behold the Lord is nigh!

Greet His approach, ye saints, again,

With hymns of holy joy.

2.  The everlasting Son,

Incarnate deigns to be;

Our God the form of slave puts on,

A race of slaves to free.

3.  Daughter of Sion, rise

To meet Thy lowly King.

Nor let the faithless heart despise

The peace He comes to bring.

4.  As Judge in clouds of light

He shall come down again,

And all His scattered saints unite

With Him in Heaven to reign.

5.  Before that dreadful day

May all our sins be gone,

The old man all be put away,

The new man all put on.

6.  Jesus, all praise to Thee,

Our joy and endless rest;

We pray Thee here our Guide to be

Our crown amid the blest.

Ero cras.

DR Squared: Monday Of The Fourth Week Of Advent (Year I)

First Reading: Malachi 3:1-4, 23-24

Behold I send my angel, and he shall prepare the way before my face. And presently the Lord, whom you seek, and the angel of the testament, whom you desire, shall come to his temple. Behold he cometh, saith the Lord of hosts. And who shall be able to think of the day of his coming? and who shall stand to see him? for he is like a refining fire, and like the fuller's herb:  And he shall sit refining and cleansing the silver, and he shall purify the sons of Levi, and shall refine them as gold, and as silver, and they shall offer sacrifices to the Lord in justice. And the sacrifice of Juda and of Jerusalem shall please the Lord, as in the days of old, and in the ancient years. Behold I will send you Elias the prophet, before the coming of the great and dreadful day of the Lord. And he shall turn the heart of the fathers to the children, and the heart of the children to their fathers: lest I come, and strike the earth with anathema. 

Responsorial Psalm:  cf. Luke 21:28b; V. Psalm 25:4-5ab, 8-9, 10 and 14

R. (L)ift up your heads, because your redemption is at hand.

V. Shew, O Lord, thy ways to me, and teach me thy paths.

     Direct me in thy truth, and teach me; for thou art God my Saviour;

V. The Lord is sweet and righteous: therefore he will give a law to sinners in the way.

     He will guide the mild in judgment: he will teach the meek his ways.

V. All the ways of the Lord are mercy and truth, to them that seek after his covenant and          his testimonies.

    The Lord is a firmament to them that fear him: and his covenant shall be made manifest      to them.

Gospel Reading:  Luke 1:57-66

Now Elizabeth's full time of being delivered was come, and she brought forth a son. And her neighbours and kinsfolks heard that the Lord had shewed his great mercy towards her, and they congratulated with her. And it came to pass, that on the eighth day they came to circumcise the child, and they called him by his father's name Zachary.  60 And his mother answering, said: Not so; but he shall be called John. And they said to her: There is none of thy kindred that is called by this name. And they made signs to his father, how he would have him called. And demanding a writing table, he wrote, saying: John is his name. And they all wondered. And immediately his mouth was opened, and his tongue loosed, and he spoke, blessing God. And fear came upon all their neighbours; and all these things were noised abroad over all the hill country of Judea. And all they that had heard them laid them up in their heart, saying: What an one, think ye, shall this child be? For the hand of the Lord was with him.

The readings from the USCCB can be found here.