Over the course of my 'blogging I have created and utilized a few sentences and phrases in some of my posts. I don't think they are a sign of laziness when I reuse them; they just happen to express concisely and completely my status at the time. One of my ideals is to be consistent, and the groups of words that occasionally weave their way throughout my writings do just that.
Take for example what is probably the best sentence I have ever written: "Welcome to my infinitesimal corner of the universe." I think of it as a statement and act of humility. In the grand scheme of eternity and limitlessness, I am truly nothing. But, because I am a creation and child of God, I am truly someone. With that knowledge comes gratitude. With that appreciation comes the willingness to become. More on this later.
Another example is the statement, "The status quo is status quo." Put another way, "Things haven't changed." And for 2015, that is a truthful assessment. As an overall reflection, any personal growth is not perceived. When it specifically comes to my biggest task at hand--finding suitable, stable, and sustainable employment--you can smell the stagnation.
That is not to say I didn't have a temporary success this past year. From late March to Hallowe'en I was employed at a nationally known regional amusement park, working as one of the attendants at the games of skill located throughout the complex. While earning a paycheck for those few months was always a good thing, it was more the boost to my ego and self-esteem that made it worthwhile. It did show me I was hire-able, as working there is usually the dream summer job for many teenagers. My work ethic was still in tact; my soft skills came out of hibernation. These were encouraging signs.
And yet, I still can't convince an employer I would be good for them, that if I was willing to take such entry-level position and make a go of it, I would do the same for them. Applications are filed and seemingly filed away. Interviews are even rarer. That makes me wonder what is it going to take. or even if I have what it takes anymore.
Which leads me back to that willingness to become. For at least as long as this 'blog has been in existence, I have had as a motto "Go Forward", another one of my go-to statements. It is the mantra not to be stuck where I am or, even worse, to retreat. But it has been missing something, something which has been the biggest detriment in my life, something to which allusions have been made.
The lack of true courage.
A lack of self-confidence has always been my Achilles' heel. It really has been a lifelong battle to believe in me without pretense. I have never wanted to project an air of arrogance, but rather one of quiet certitude. The temerity, fear, and cowardliness has to be conquered or I will be living a Thoreauvian life for the rest of it. I either grow or die inside.
I must "Be Bold".
It's been a while since I've made a New Year's Resolution, but this is mine for 2016. Seize more opportunities than I normally do. Take prudent risks, but take them. Get out of this introvert's comfort zone. Become one who does, not one who says he will. No excuses. Be concerned about the process and let the results take care of themselves. Find a way or make one.
While this may be a Year of Mercy, it also has to be a Year of Fortitude.
"Be not afraid."
"Go Forward. Be Bold"
I'll see you next year.