It was my resolution for 2005; it remains my resolution for 2006.
Yes, that seems to be a very general and rather vague phrase. What it means to me is not to be in the same place I am right now, in any way, shape, form, or regard. To change. To grow. To be on my way to something, eye on the prize while also enjoying the trip.
If you asked me if I was happy with my life, the answer would be unhesitant and resounding: "No." Life has been calling everything about me into question for some time now; my lack of employment has only amplified the sound. Rumor has it this could be called a "mid-life crisis." It is more akin to a Thoreauvian explanation.
But that is why there are times to review and restart: Advent, the beginning of a new calendar year, Lent. (And with my birthday falling as it does, the mid-year on the calendar as well.) I am also reminded of something I once heard. You can never start over (meaning to go back to the beginning), but you can always start again (meaning to pick up where you were stopped).
There is a part of me deep down that is very scared. I feel like I am running out of chances to get things right in my life, like I can't make any more mistakes. It is that fear which is somewhat paralyzing. I have an overly cautious nature as it is; I succumb to "paralysis by analysis" easily enough.
So I must overcome this inaction due to fear of failing. It is always been my biggest roadblock. Too much thinking; not enough doing. How fortunate this liturgical year focuses on the Gospel of St. Mark. There is a common thread throughout the various readings heard from this writer. It was the theme of John Paul II upon his ascent to the Chair of Peter. It is the words of Jesus Christ seen time and time again in Mark.
"Be not afraid."
Go Forward. To Him. With Him. In Him.
Stay tuned; 2006, I hope, will be much better.
See you next year!